The Paradox that is Life

It's been about three years since I last posted. A lot has changed since then. My parents have since seperated and therefore lost what was my childhood home. I moved out and, as the world goes, got a job. Even with finacial aid and a couple scholarships I coulnd't afford to go to college and continue my favorite thing of reading and learning. However, among all the lows the best thing that will ever happen to me did. I got engaged to the man I know will forever be my bestfriend, my partner, and my lover. I am not quite as optimistic as I was younger. With the passing of time and the harsher realities of life the shine of innocence gets overshadowed. That doesn't mean that I lost my sense of humor. I like to say that now I just cherish every laugh even more. So without furthur rambling, onto my point.

Life is depressing. A piece of paper controls every aspect of our world. Society, government, and well it creates economy. We have the knowledge, and the ability to help our world, to create a utopia for everyone. Yet, humans are greedy. The oil companys don't want us using alternate energy because they will go out of business and all loose their money, their power, their jobs. Everything that goes on in this world is for a profit for someone. I wish the days when everyone had a talent, a special knack for something, made them special and they could create or do things that was worth a trade. When the individual picked the worth of something to them and could barter and trade for it in return. For hundreds and hundreds of years such a trade has been gone from this world. Sadly I know that it's also impossible. The closest we could come to it in this future age is communism and that's no solution. There are too many of us now. Many people don't bother to learn the inticate ways of the different cultures and ethnic backgrounds we have. We don't want to. The very thing that makes us human, makes us so unique, is that we have the ability to form opinions, have ideas and make decisions, also makes us intolerant of others opinions, ideas and decesions. That greedy aspect coming back to play that we want others around us to think the same things and share the same desires. Have you ever thought of why we are led to conform? We can blame it on society but the truth is society is formed by many common ideas thrown together and believed by the public. We are led to conform because we are in essense just complex animals. I don't care if you believe we are creatures of God or simply evolved, we classify ourselves homo sapien. Let me repeat that. We classify ourselves. That alone helps me make my point. Conforming is essentially a survival technique that our primal brain turns to. This leads to the rejection of rebels. (Society labels me as one, a rebel that is, someone odd.) They don't follow the 'norm' and instinctively it leads people to turn from them. Because around them it can lead to change and harm. It's why timber wolves will drive away wolves that are born white. It's why if a whale has just a tad slight different pitch in it's song it's rejected. Without conforming animals would never have survived this long. So really I don't blame people, and I can't hate the world. I make it a point to try and live my life in the moment of now. Doing what makes me smile and laugh. Really what else do we have? We can have all the money we want. The big house, the luxury, see everything and do everything and we will always want more. Because we can't look for the meaning of life. We are the meaning of life. Your every thought is special. Your every breath a miracle. The ablity to know who you are.

Well....I had my rant. I rambled, I let go, and in the process probably pissed off some. But that's the beauty of it. So please, for you, revel in the moment. Worry if you have to a bit to get done what you have to, paying those bills and work aren't going anywhere. But don't let it steal your happiness. Don't let it take your future from you. Because you can. You can sit there and stress. You can let it overwhelm you. Just know that you do it to yourself. You can't blame it on work, on the government, on anything. It's you who is choosing to let that moment form something negative and not positive.